About three years ago I worked up the nerve to attend a three day sesshin in the city and state where I grew up. It was a long trip that required air travel so not a small thing. I was combining a visit my parents as well.
On the morning of my first day of sesshin I was anticipating, and dreading, breakfast. I recall being hungry but that my appetite was tamped down a bit by the fear of fumbling through my first attempt at Oryoki.
After gaining a foothold on the ritual, with my food carefully served into my three bowls, an unexpected chant broke out and startled me.
Innumerable labors have brought us this food;
We should know how it comes to us.
As we receive this offering, we should consider
Whether our virtue and practice deserve it…
It goes on about taking what has been served in our bowls is for attaining and accomplishing the Buddha Way. We chanted this and other declarations of our commitment during, and after, every meal.
I didn’t realize until I was back at my own table that I had brought this part of the chant home with me. One morning, not long after my return home, I had prepared some scrambled eggs and toast. I looked at my plate and realized that innumerable labors made it possible.
This was the moment when I felt real, pure gratitude. I’m not sure if this makes sense but it’s the closest feeling to love I’ve ever experienced. Like love, it was an actual sensation.
It was over this plate of food that I realized my true happiness is gratitude for what I have. For everything I have.
It took me over fifty years. I think there is a reason for that and maybe I’ll go into it on another post.
